READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
