Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
