you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
