I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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