This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
