Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
