im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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