I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You need Xanax blowdarts
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
