Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
