Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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