I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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