I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
