no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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