His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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