I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
