i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
