oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
