all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
