the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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