We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
