I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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