I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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