Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
