I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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