Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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