woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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