You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
