I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
