i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
