She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
