if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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