sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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