I wish I could teleport
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
