spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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