I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
