I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
