New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
