i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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