yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
