We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
