Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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