No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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