i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
