Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
