You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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