...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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