I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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