It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
