Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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