Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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