i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
