yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
