Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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