glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
