i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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