he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
