who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
